Letter #14: Peer Pressure — Walking Your Own Path Calmly

Dear children,

Okay, so today’s letter is about peer pressure, because it’s something that quietly shows up in your life much earlier than most people realise, and if you don’t learn how to recognise it now, it can end up shaping your choices for years without you ever noticing it happening.

It was important for me to write this letter because you would all come home from different social gatherings and tell me ‘she has this, he has that. Everyone has one etc, etc, etc.’ So now you need to be explained as to why I would say no every time 🙂

At school and in social gatherings, peer pressure rarely arrives loudly or dramatically. It usually slips in through conversations here and there or through repeated opinions from somebody and through the feeling that everyone around you seems to be interested in the same things, talking about the same things and doing the same things. And to top it off, it makes you feel that if you don’t join in, you somehow stand out in a way that feels uncomfortable.

Over time, this can make you feel as though you need to explain yourself, defend yourself, or even change yourself just to keep up with it all. And that’s why it’s important we talk about it openly.

Why So Much Advice Comes From the Wrong Place

One of the first things you need to understand about peer pressure is that it often comes wrapped as advice. Children tell each other what they should be doing, what is normal, what is fun, and what everyone else apparently agrees on — and it can sound convincing simply because it’s repeated often.

But here’s where thinking carefully really matters.

Advice only has real value when it comes from experience, knowledge, or responsibility (adults). When advice comes from people who are still learning or still copying one another and still trying to fit in themselves, it often sounds confident but rests on very little understanding.

Most children don’t mean to mislead anyone. Most the time, they are repeating what they hear from elsewhere and they will repeat what’s popular just to try and be popular themselves. They will even go to the extent of lying, just to make themselves look bigger in the eyes of others. But when a whole year group confidently agrees on something without stopping to question it, what you’re often seeing is not wisdom — it’s habit.

And this is where it becomes important to understand how groups form in the first place.

How Crowds Form Without Anyone Deciding

If you look closely, most groups don’t form because people sat down and carefully decided what was best for them. They form because following feels safer and easier than standing apart, and copying feels easier than thinking.

It’s human nature to want to belong, especially when you’re young. Being different can feel risky. Saying “I don’t really want to do that” can feel awkward. So people drift — not because they’ve chosen something carefully, but because it feels easier to move with the group than to pause and reflect.

I have told you all many times to just ‘own it’. And what that means is i wanted to all to be confident in being different and not having what others have or do what others do. Remember when different kids were telling you ‘you don’t play video games? OMG you have to go hoe and tell your parents that you HAVE TO play video games now.’ So i told you that wasn’t going to happen so instead you might as well ‘own it’ and tell the kid that you prefer art (which like love anyway) and that you have been told no because you are too young.

That’s how conversations get stuck on the same topics, how certain habits become “normal,” and how screens, trends, or distractions take over without anyone ever deciding that this is truly how they want to spend their time.

Most people don’t decide where they’re going — they simply walk in the same direction as everyone else and assume it must be the right way.

Once you understand this, something important becomes clear: choosing differently doesn’t require you to fight the crowd — it simply requires you not to be pulled along by it.

Standing Apart Without Becoming Loud or Difficult

This is where many people misunderstand what strength really looks like.

Standing apart does not mean arguing, lecturing others, or trying to prove that you are right. It doesn’t mean criticising what others enjoy, and it certainly doesn’t mean thinking you are better than anyone else.

Very often, strength looks quiet.

It looks like calmly choosing something else without explanation. It looks like changing the subject without drama. It looks like saying, “That’s not really my thing,” and feeling no need to defend that decision afterwards.

You don’t owe anyone an argument. You don’t need permission to think differently and you don’t need to make yourself uncomfortable just to match the crowd.

Once you’re comfortable with that idea and comfortable with yourself, another question will follow.

Who Decides What Becomes ‘Normal’?

Every habit that exists today once began with someone doing something different. Every interest that became popular started because one person enjoyed it openly, without waiting for approval. Nowadays, we are influenced by media and magasines. What will be in fashion 1 day WILL NOT be in fashion you next year. It constantly changes and you will see most people just follow along without realising.

If everyone talks about the same things, wears the same things, reads the same things, watches the same things, then someone has to be the first to introduce something new right? Someone has to quietly show that certain things are worth talking about. People in certain positions are in place to affect the way you think and this trickles down through generations until you even have young children trying to copy things are aren’t suitable for their age.

Why These Skills Matters for the Rest of Your Life

Peer pressure doesn’t disappear when school ends. It simply changes its shape. In school its predominantly about video games etc. As adults its about what you own or how you dress etc.

Many adults are still following crowds they never chose.

Learning to pause, observe, and decide for yourself now what is right for you, will protect you later in ways you cannot yet see.

So remember this, children: you are allowed to think independently, choose differently, and you are allowed to walk your own path calmly and steadily — even when others rush past in another direction.

A Wise Parent

---

So now that you know what to do — go apply it.

You’ll learn faster, grow stronger, and feel prouder every time you practise.

And if you’d like help getting started — we’ve made something special for you. ✨
Peer pressure reflection worksheets and calm response activities, designed to help you think clearly, choose wisely, and stay true to yourself.

👉 Click here to download your Peer Pressure Pack

Love you lots,
Mum and Dad